The other day after a crazy thunderstorm my husband pops up and asks our son if he wants to go check out the mud and giant puddles left by the storm. It’s definitely not something I would say, it was a very “Dad” request. And it kinda hit me just how special Dads and father figures are. And it got me thinking and wondering about our lives now that neither of us have someone to call this Father’s Day.
My Dad died when I was 18. But thankfully I had Mike’s Dad for the next 18 years. My Dad was expressive, emotional, and artistic. He swore like a sailor, and looked like a homeless rockstar. My father in law however was older, and more traditional. His emotions were generally private, and he looked like an old farmer type straight out of one of those country time paintings. If something didn’t work right, you might hear him say “Goodness”, where as my Dad was more likely to toss a tool and curse “motherf*ck’n piece of sh*t” haha.
Because my Dad was a one in a million, unique kinda guy, I didn’t always see my father in law as “my” Dad. So we started off very cordial. If we disagreed with one another’s point of view, which definitely happened, we didn’t challenge each other’s opinion. It was all very polite.
One day though, shortly before we were married I was walking into Mikes parents house and I was waiting for him to follow me in, so I didn’t shut the door immediately. And suddenly I hear my father in law yell from the living room “shut the door! It’s not an asshole. It doesn’t close on its own”
When he came around the corner he says “Goodness I thought you were one of the boys”. He was kinda of embarrassed but I just smiled, because in that weird little moment I actually felt like one of his kids. We still respected each other’s opinions but it kinda broke the ice, we finally let it all hang out, and loved each other anyway.
And while our Dads were very different, they were both one in a million, unique kinda guys. I remember as a teenager dreading the thought of our Dads ever meeting. But unfortunately they didn’t ever get the chance. Which is too bad, because now I think they really would have been a hoot together. Although they were different, they actually had a lot more in common than I gave them credit for. They both made it their priority to provide for their families. They both loved reading. They both told shitty Dad jokes. They both loved their kids until it bordered on annoying. Granted in different ways.
My Dad would show up to A&W with wild hair, and a threadbare t-shirt. Looking like my hobo stalker just sipping on coffee and watching me work. Whereas, my father in law was a phone talker. Something I’m not a fan of. But he and the mister could chat for hours. Even before we had moved, they’d chat on the phone and then expect us to come over or make us go out for coffee. Socializing, yuck. And after Our kiddo was born-sleepy, cranky double yuck. And I’m talking about me, not the baby. If you didn’t come by semi-regularly he might throw a little guilt trip on ya. Half kidding, but half not.
They were both just soo proud and loved their kids so much, they were at times kind of annoying. Our biggest problem was seriously that they just wanted to know our business all the time. And even though they could be weird or irritating, I’m so thankful that even when I was deep in my one of my introverted asshole moods, I saw their love for what it was and made time for them when I could. Or put up with them at least. And now, Every. Single. Day. I wish they were here making me roll my eyes with their annoying brand of loving.
We haven’t had a lot of days off since his Dad passed, and we’re still processing it honestly. But man, oh man, nothing screamed louder in my heart, than the silence of our phone on his first days off since his Dad passed.
So I was hoping this Father’s Day I’d find some way to honour our Dads. So while we were busy prepping a little surprise for Mike I realized the best way I can honour Dads is to be annoying haha.
Well what I mean is that if you love someone, throw them a little love. Ya Dads/family can be annoying. Ya they can be inconvenient. We both come from families with five kids each, plus step family on my side. And a blended family of our own. So we generally always feel guilty. And we’re always struggling to keep in touch with everyone. In fact because I always feel a bit guilty about the things we can’t do, I sometimes avoid asking for anyone to show up for me. I don’t want them to feel guilty or obligated I guess.
But fuck that. That’s not what our Dads taught us. So in honour of our Dads I want to make a little request. This Father’s Day (or any day) find a way to irritate the people you love, with your annoying brand of love. Trust me, they will love it.
And to all the Dads and father figures out there. You are pretty awesome. You are pretty special, one in a million, unique kinda guys. Thank you for being you!